This is an informational piece specifically designed for people who are experiencing faith deconstruction, specifically relating to the LDS Church.
You need support. Please find some.
In every faith journey, there are challenges. Some of them are very hard. This is not something anyone should do alone, no matter where you are in your faith. It can save a life to ask for help. It can save a life to be that help for someone else. There are many communities, either online or in person, that can help give you support or aid in your journey.
"The middle is messy, but its also where all the magic happens"
-Brene Brown
Let's look at this lovely silver lining: You're trying new things! New things are always a little scary. That in itself doesn't make them bad, though. Luckily, there are amazing communities to connect with during this time, filled with understanding people. You're growing. Give yourself grace. You deserve it. Now go find something new to try!
Listen to your emotions.
Emotions are powerful. They can show us where we may need to work on ourselves or our relationships to people or groups. The most important thing is learning to be comfortable with our changing emotions. Change is a constant, but flexibility is our responsibility. If a particular emotion is challenging, look for people who can help clear the hurdle! Therapists or deconstruction/post-faith coaches are immensely helpful.
Ward-less doesn't worth-less.
While it might be scary to consider, it's actually totally ok to be free of a label, meaning faith-less or religion-less, for as long as you need. Being a blank slate isn't a bad thing! You can write a lot on a blank slate. Take your time to get to know YOU. See what feels good. Being ward-less doesn't mean worth-less. You're investing in self-exploration.
Remember, love doesn't do harm.
And love isn't love if there are conditions. Tragically, many people have suffered greatly in response to their faith transitions or faith/personal differences. Some have even felt that life was too hard, and have committed suicide. If you ever have felt bullied, ostracized, shunned or mentally/physically abused, please reach out for help. Your life matters. {National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255}
We can disagree and still be friends and family...sometimes.
The best case scenario for everyone experiencing a faith transition is their friends and family continuing to be supportive and loving. This is not always the case, however. In the broad spectrum of possibilities, there is room for many kinds of relationships...or no relationship. Remember that you family are the people who love you unconditionally, even if it means building your own family elsewhere. If you're unsure if what you're experiencing is healthy, talk to a mental health professional to give you support and perspective.
A crisis of faith can sometimes be clarity in faith.
When someone experiences a faith "crisis", they can feel many emotions. A change of perspective may aid the anxiety felt around the questions "Where will you go? What will you do?" [M. Russell Ballard] Here's something to consider: a faith crisis may really just be faith clarity. People who experience growing pains in their faith journey can find others who have also felt the same. Chances are, someone else has also felt the same way you have, and you're not alone.
It's ok to have questions and want answers.
A common response to questions of faith is to read the Book of Mormon, with the expectation that it *should* resolve your questions. But what happens when those questions still remain, and you would like an answer? You can reach out to a bishop, or you can do your own research. The advantage to your own research is that you can find the Church's stance, as well as other perspectives. Please know that there are always answers to your questions. You don't have to shelve your thoughts.
Being a Utah Mormon isn't the same as being an Out-of-State Mormon.
This information is pertinent to a region: Utah. There is a marked difference between in-state and out-of-state LDS members, and it can greatly affect the relationship between members and former members. Utah Mormons are known for being orthodox. They are typically born into the faith, and marry in the faith. They tie their well-being to their faith. If you are experiencing a faith transition in Utah, it may be more challenging than someone who is in another state or country. You may find that shunning or ostracization may occur at a higher rate than other locations.
Black sheep are still God's sheep.
White doesn't mean right. We are all God's sheep, and we are all important. The entire world is experiencing faith changes of all shapes and sizes every. single. day. While it may feel like your experience is unique, God has probably seen it before. That means you're human. And God likes his humans.
This piece was composed as a Information Effect piece. Please see below for citation.
This is the collection of resources connected to the project currently posted on Kate Rowan's Instagram account (@katehaswords) called You Are Not Alone. If you have any questions or comments regarding this project or the materials linked to it, feel free email me at khippor @ gmail.com.
Thanks for reading!
Black Sheep are still Gods Sheep:
“Bible Verse.” Psalm 100:3 Know That the LORD Is God. It Is He Who Made Us, and We Are His; We Are His People, and the Sheep of His Pasture., biblehub.com/psalms/100-3.htm.
“Mormons in America - Certain in Their Beliefs, Uncertain of Their Place in Society.” Pew Research Center's Religion & Public Life Project, 30 May 2020, www.pewforum.org/2012/01/12/mormons-in-america-executive-summary/.
Being a Utah Mormon is different than being an out-of-state Mormon or Christian:
Riess , Jana. “Commentary: 10 Ways Utah Latter-Day Saints Are Different than Other U.S. Latter-Day Saints.” The Salt Lake Tribune, 11 Jan. 2019, www.sltrib.com/religion/2019/01/11/commentary-ways-utah/.
Joffe-Walt, Chana. “Shunned Ex-Mormons Form Own Communities.” NPR, NPR, 21 Oct. 2005, www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4968585.
Riess, Dr. Jana. “Methodology.” The Next Mormons Survey, 9 Nov. 2018, thenextmormons.org/methodology/.
It's ok to have questions and want answers:
“Questioning Mormonism.” IRR.org, mit.irr.org/category/questioning-mormonism.
Runnells, Jeremy. “CES Letter.” My Search for Answers to My Mormon Doubts, cesletter.org/.
Fletcher Stack, Peggy. “Mormons Tackling Tough Questions in Their History.” The Salt Lake Tribune, archive.sltrib.com/article.php?id=53408134.
A crisis of faith can also be clarity of faith:
“Providing Positive, Personal, and Practical Resources for Mormons Experiencing a Faith Crisis.” The Gift of the Mormon Faith Crisis, www.mormonfaithcrisis.com/.
Ostler, David. “Do Leaders Understand Members Who Are in a Faith Crisis?” Bridges, 2018, www.bridgeslds.com/do-leaders-understand-members-who-are-in-a-faith-crisis.
We can disagree and still be friends and family...sometimes:
Think, Mormon. “Shunning.” Mormon Quotes on Shunning, www.mormonthink.com/QUOTES/shunning.htm.
Baker, Robin Zenger. “When a Loved One Leaves the Church: 4 Mistakes to Avoid.” LDS Living, 24 Aug. 2017, www.ldsliving.com/When-a-Loved-One-Leaves-the-Church-4-Mistakes-to-Avoid/s/80170.
Ostler, David. “6 Suggestions For Parents of Adult Children That Don't Believe in the Church.” Bridges, 2019, www.bridgeslds.com/6-suggestions-for-parents-of-adult-children-that-don-t-believe-in-the-church.
Remember, love doesnt do harm:
Romans 13:10 Love Does No Wrong to Its Neighbor. Therefore Love Is the Fulfillment of the Law., biblehub.com/romans/13-10.htm.
“LGBT Mormon Suicides.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 9 Oct. 2020, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_Mormon_suicides.
Wardless doesnt mean worthless:
Wardless Podcast, 2020, www.wardlesspodcast.com/.
Anderson, Ross. Faith After Mormonism, 2020, faithaftermormonism.org/.
Listen to your emotions:
Althusser, Louis., et al. “The Disenchanted Self: Anthropological Notes on Existential Distress and Ontological Insecurity Among Ex-Mormons in Utah.” Culture, Medicine, and Psychiatry, Springer US, 1 Jan. 1971, link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11013-019-09646-5.
McConkie, Thomas. “In a Mormon Faith Transition? Here's Help.” Religion News Service, 9 Sept. 2016, religionnews.com/2015/12/18/in-a-mormon-faith-transition-heres-help/.
Gallacher, Claudine, et al. “Post Mormon Mental Health.” Post, 26 Apr. 2019, www.postmormonmentalhealth.com/.
The middle is messy, but its also where all the magic happens. -Brene Brown:
What mormons had to say about their faith crises. (2016, Feb 17). The Salt Lake Tribune Retrieved from https://search-proquest-com.libprox1.slcc.edu/docview/1766130377?accountid=28671
Tanner, Sam. “4 Things Everyone Leaving Mormonism Should Know.” Medium, Medium, 4 July 2018, medium.com/@zelphontheshelf/4-things-everyone-leaving-mormonism-should-know-518881d86f3d.
You need support. Please find some:
“Salt Lake City PostMormons & Friends (Salt Lake City, UT).” Meetup, www.meetup.com/postmormons/.
Amen Clinics. “Can Ostracism Cause Lingering Pain in Your Brain?” Amen Clinics Can Ostracism Cause Lingering Pain in Your Brain Comments, www.amenclinics.com/blog/ostracism-causes-lingering-pain-in-the-brain-2/.
https://zelphontheshelf.com/20-tips-for-handling-your-faith-transition-and-helping-others-handle-it/
Reddit Communities Online:
https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/
https://www.reddit.com/r/mormontransitions/
https://www.reddit.com/user/wasmormon
