This piece was created as a window into a moment in time for someone experiencing the pain of being ostracized by family after leaving the LDS Church.
The letter was on cheap printer paper. It was double sided,
and I could see the stupid Comic Sans font. His hand trembled as he read it,
with a fist balled up against his pursed lips. I knew it was bad. Do you
remember the feeling when it was just a matter of time before your parents
caught you doing something really awful? The feeling of the room lacking air,
your stomach hurting, knowing that nothing could delay the inevitable? This
letter was a parent who caught on. The problem was that he was an adult, and
she was saying he was dead to her.
Love should be without conditions. This was not the case here.
This letter was a list of conditions. He was, in a brief moment, that child at
age 8, who was told that he could have a big party and get lots of toys if he
would get baptized. He was then that teen who was told that he was in a long
line of beloved pioneer men who served an honorable mission. Then he was
standing at the doors of the temple with a strong feeling of doom hanging over
him, wanting nothing more than to run away, but being told that this was
forever, and this is what we do.
And then he was a divorced man, alone and wondering where
that family was when he needed them. They were standing over there, clucking
and shaking their heads, saying that if he had just taken his problems
to the bishop, he would still be married. But he had, over and over, and
nothing ever got better, so he left when she said she didn’t love him ever. She
just liked his family status and his wordy priesthood blessing, filled with
promises of big things ahead.
Now snap back to the letter: here is the man, holding the letter.
He’s stopped reading now, and holds his hand over his mouth. I know he’s
stifling a guttural explosion. I so wish that I could rewind for him. Back to
before this letter arrived in our mailbox. Back to before his mother sat down
to her computer. Back to before Dieter F. Uchdorf (Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) said this at the 2020 General
Conference (1):
“We are His beloved children.
Even
those who reject Him.
Even
those who, like a headstrong, unruly child, become angry with God and His
Church, pack their bags, and storm out the door proclaiming that they’re
running away and never coming back.
When
a child runs away from home, he or she may not notice the concerned parents
looking out the window. With tender hearts, they watch their son or daughter
go—hoping their precious child will learn something from this heartrending
experience and perhaps see life with new eyes—and eventually return home.”
Oh, Dieter. If only you knew the pain you caused by
calling all those souls “unruly children”. If only you realized the rift you
made even bigger by giving those parents some kind of glorified mission, to
bring back their headstrong offspring. He said those words in a talk labelled
“Come and Belong”. What he didn’t know is how hard those unruly children are
trying to heal from no longer belonging.
Works Cited:
url#1: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/04/54uchtdorf?lang=eng